Elton John

As though being one of the best-selling musicians of all time, a vocal AIDS and LGBT activist, and an avid photography collector isn't enough, Sir Elton John is also the source of some of the best "tiny dancers" we've ever tasted. Rocket man, it's time for liftoff!

Flavor: Fresh flowers and even fresher sweat

Aftertaste: Sweet tea's balance of tannins and sugar

Mouthfeel: Pasty

Experiential pairing: Sports and art

(We've heard tell that, like an old world wine, Sir John's semen has improved with age. Then again, maybe it's just that he has been laying off of the cocaine and booze lately.)

Spunk of the Irish: Bono

You probably know Bono as a musician with sexy moans or as a humanitarian focused on world hunger, AIDS, debt and Africa. Hand to the Bible: One of my exes thinks Bono is a reincarnation of Buddha. This particular ex might be crazy (okay, okay, IS crazy), but still... there's something undeniably divine about Bono's sprog.

Appearance: Blindingly white

Flavor: Bittersweet with a pop-like flavor; versatile enough to appeal to a wide range of tastes, it's likely that both you and your mom would love it equally

Aftertaste: Heavenly, like the head on a well-pulled Guinness

Experiential pairing: Fundraising, moaning