Frank Gehry

Deconstructivist architect Frank Gehry may spend a lot of time wanking onto wads of paper (Or so we're told.... How do you think we got his semen sample?), but he's still one of the best-known and most-discussed starchitects* in the biz. You might love him. You might hate him. But you can only get a true taste of his raw "creative impulses" here on Celebrity Semen Tasting Notes.

Flavor: A strong paper-like flavor with notes of wood (balsa, cork) and mechanical pencil lead

Aftertaste: Galvanized steel, raw plywood

Mouthfeel: Exactly, exactly, exactly like gefilte fish

Experiential pairing: *Hating being called a "starchitect"

Architecture lovers/haters: If you haven't already, check out This Building Rocks for awesome architecture critiques, including the Gehry-Hadid Starchitect Death Match and Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health crit.

Spunk of the Irish: Kenneth Branagh

Known for Hamlet, The Magic Flute and, now, Thor, Kenneth Branagh is an accomplished actor/director/swordsman. We recently had the pleasure of sampling a raw specimen from him, or, more specifically, from his other magic flute. Here's what we have to share from the experience:

Appearance: Thick and pure white
Flavor: Refined with a warm, spicy undertone
Aftertaste: Old books -- aged paper, leather binding
Mouthfeel: Surprisingly tingly, almost like a mild electric shock
Experiential pairing: Wrapped in velvet curtains, speak iambic rhythms